Why is it that every morning, when i wake up, I am as tired as I was when I slept the night before?
Why is it that the rain cheers me up no more?
Why is it that I am driven up the wall when faced with someone’s acts of blatant idiocy?
Why is it that all food tastes the same to me?
Why is it that soccer now puts me to sleep, in a matter of seconds?
Why is it that I could never figure out who draws up the plans for road development in the city?
Why is it that I am bored of chocolate?
It is quite apparent that I really work my head, quite unnecessarily at times. But thats how I am. As I have always said to those who know me, that my brain is a malfunctioning piece of hardware, which is not connected to anything. So, I am very stupid. Or am I?
The thing is, and I may not show it, that there are certain people and things which are very close to my heart. People as in the living breathing and talking humans. (And not that I am non-existent for the others.) The ones who have bones, organs, can talk, the lot. Things as in not material things, but situations and environments (no, I am not talking about global warming. I hate them environment hippies).
What is happening is that life is going through a phase of change. Life, as we know it since childhood and the teenage years is giving way to a new era. Days have changed, the way we live life has changed, and its not just us, the people around me are either also going through this, or will very soon.This change is worrying, because unlike other changes of earlier, this is worse. At no time in the past did any change yank us away from our friends, from the people we love, and our daily schedule of life, in general. But this one does. For, we are all now planted at our workstations all day, looking at the beautiful world through the eyes of a broadband connection (the IT inevitably ends up blocking the sites you want to visit).
As a matter of natural behaviour, I dont get so attached with anyone. Or so I thought.
And the person I am referring to is also about to move to the next step. This one person is the one who knows what I am thinking of at what time, what I want to say at what time, what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what cheers me up, what tortures me (well!!!!). This person is with whom I share every little happening in my life, everday. Yes Everyday. I speak with this person before any important activity which I do. Anything happens, this person is the first to know. Well, this person is a true gem.
This person will soon finish studies, start working, and basically start a new life. And everything has to change. And everything will change.
As a matter of principle, I hate change.
And this change, of all the changes, is the one I hate the most. For I will miss what I truly cherish and value. Something i cannot imagine myself without. And that will be that, for the rest of our lives. It seems so easy when we think, “hey, rest of the life?? No problem..we can do it, it’s easy dude”. But it so isn’t. I hate change, but somehow, always, I manage to find some way of overcoming the initial teething period. But this, the impeding change i just talked about, is one for which I somehow cannot get myself to find any way out. And it scares the living daylights out of me. I like things stable and continous. Volatility and Uncertainity put me in bit of a soup.
This and all the above questions, and a lot more questions have made me wonder the very purpose of certain things. My activity log, for one. Why? For What? For Whom? Any purpose?
Hence, after long deliberations, I have come to the conclusion that nothing really matters anymore. Material pursuits dont matter anymore. I have kind of, lost the ability to figure things out. No matter how hard I try, it just doesnt work. What does work, however, is a Golf Gti W12 ( Sort of) and Gravity.
And this brings me neatly to the topic of hills. Mountains. Well, I have always had a facination with these giant things protruding out in a rather ungainly, and erratic fashion from the earth’s surface. Against Gravity. And despite this working against the force, they remain surreal and enigmatic. Beautiful and dynamic.
I have never been a fan of a lot of noise or a lot of people, in one place, at the same time. This is probably why I don’t really like Delhi. And that is why I like Wales.
I have decided that when all this gets too much for me (and i suspect that could be pretty soon), I shall head off for the hills. In sanyas. Enjoy the sights and sounds, the weather, the silence and the peace of mind which comes with all that. With no phone, laptop no tv, or any such thing.
Except an ipod and a charger. Music in the hills. It’s the only thing better than trying to drive a GTI W12 successfully round a bend with its front at the front and the rear at the rear.