God is bad at Geography. Let’s blame him.

Conflicts. Conflicts. And more conflicts.And then there are the Australians.

What is the relation, you may ask. Hear me out on this one.

If you look closely at the various varieties of conflicts currently in progress on the earth, you will find one thing common in them. They are all between countries which are either land-locked, or share borders, or both. Middle-East, Kashmir and West Asia. All landmasses of huge sizes enough to support full continents.

Look at Australia. All they do, sitting in the middle of a huge swimming pool, is have beer and try to recreate Texas in their country. When they get really bored, they go and bully the New Zealanders in a verbal capacity. Once the Kiwis are reduced to tears, the Aussies return to minding their own business. The older generation is busy getting their laws approved by the Queen of England, whereas the younger bunch head off to the beaches. The Aussies keep away from all territorial conflicts and the other kind of conflicts wherein a certain religion is in grave danger. (What danger, i don’t know, but they have always been in danger historically).

Have you ever seen the West Indies fight? Or for that matter, any other island nation get into even an arguement with any other nation?

God, basically got it all wrong. Instead of landmasses the size of continents, he should’ve devised an architechural plan for the earth, where all countries were islands, big or small. This would mean completely doing away with all the continents as a method of arrangement.

This should’ve saved on costs of maintaining a huge army and a fleet of ships and an Air Force would’ve been enough. Borders would not have to be sealed, illegal immigrants cant come rushing in whlist hiding behind trees and there would not be a Line of Control to keep the so-called freedom fighters out.

We would have also had a lot more beaches. (The constantly un-occupied and infuriatingly idiotic Thackeray clan may have had a few objections to that too).

God, apparently did not put a lot of deep thought into this. And the worst thing is, according to the scientists, the landmasses are getting even more compressed as time goes by. This means, Australia will be in the Bay Of Bengal in a few decades time. Which would be very bad, because, they would probably want a piece of someone’s land as well. And pretend that it is also Texas.

God, basically, is not good at architechure and designing.

Dear God, what were you thinking?


About Vishal Mathur

Geek by day, heavy sleeper by night!


  1. Sidhant

    u solved the “international relations” problem in one go…way da go boy….:)

  2. terah vashim

    dude… i love your articles… nice and imaginative thoughts…

  3. Mehak

    Brilliant piece of writing. You address the subtler issues of war and violence and religion and borders very well wrapped in humour. very tactful handling of a very rave subject…
    and great observation too! I want to go to Australia!!

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